I'm-not-there-and-I-don't-care, doo-dah! Doo-dah!
No, I am still sitting by ponds and watching obese tadpoles try to figure out what to do with their new limbs. I am wandering around in forests, gazing intently at ridiculously pretty flora. Today I climbed a small mountain and stared out to sea for an hour. This is all urgent business. My calendar is full.
Last week I got my first massage in I don't know how long. The bodyworker is great, and nothing at all like me. She started at my sore ankle and commenced subtly unravelling fascia. It took her an hour and a half to work her way up to my right shoulder, which I thought was causing the trouble; that wasn't the trouble. Evidently the real trouble comes from protecting my sore heart. She barely got started on it. I booked another session for tomorrow.
I'm a little better at standing on my hands, and a lot better at standing on my head. I lost three pounds in two weeks, then just now the scale told me I'd gained it all back, but I'm choosing to ascribe this to PMS. Being around nature and good conversations makes me happy, so I naturally eat less.
This year, I think I will make no plans at all. I will not try to save the world. I will not engender any grand schemes. I'm still up in the air as to whether to apply for a NYFA grant, although I conceivably qualify in two different categories. I think that making plans at the moment is bad for me.
3 comments:
NIce.....happy birthday ms. S
I cannot tell you how much this passage touched me in pointed me in a direction to heal myself.
Last week I got my first massage in I don't know how long. The bodyworker is great, and nothing at all like me. She started at my sore ankle and commenced subtly unravelling fascia. It took her an hour and a half to work her way up to my right shoulder, which I thought was causing the trouble; that wasn't the trouble. Evidently the real trouble comes from protecting my sore heart.
I showed it to my therapist, my best friend and my accupuncturist as a possible solution to the chronic pain I have suffered for over 15 years in my left shoulder, chest wall and arm. I wish I lived in NYC so I could become a massage client because I really think you get it.
Keep writing (although I disagree about Jamie Wyeth!)
Jenn
Jenn! I'm so happy that this helped you.
Something the Amazing Massage Therapist told me that I didn't know--when you are grieving, you breathe shallowly, from your upper chest muscles, not your diaphragm. Thus your chest muscles get tight, and your shoulder, scapula and back in turn.
I started working on consciously breathing from my diaphragm, and it really seems to help.
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